I have a friend called Josfyn. Josfyn is a married mother of two little children. Six years ago at age 19, her father gave her hand in marriage to a 42 year old married man with three kids. After the traditional marriage (There was a never a church or court wedding) Josfyn took in for her first child. After giving birth to her first daughter, she asked her husband to send her to the University to further her education. Her husband refused. His reason being that Josfyn will get too exposed and might start chasing other men. (Let me say here that Josfyn is one of the most beautiful women I've ever met). She begged her husband for two years to let her have a University education, still he refused. In 2004, 22 year old Josfyn gave birth to her second daughter, just a few weeks after her husband's first wife gave birth to her fourth child.
Eventually after four years of desperately begging her husband and many pleas from her family, he allowed her sit for Jamb which she passed with flying colours. In October 2005, Josfyn gained admission into the University of Lagos to read Political Science. Two months later she met a post graduate student called Ben. This is where the trouble started.
Let me make some things clear about this story. Josfyn's husband first hit her four days after their traditional wedding, because she insulted someone who called her a gold digger. There was definitely some gold digging being done here but it wasn't by Josfyn, it was by her father who desperately needed to get his business started and promised his daughter to the man in exchange for capital. He basically wanted a rich in-law to go to every time he needed money.
Josfyn's mum gave her a million and one reasons to marry a man as wealthy as her husband and none of those reasons included happiness, love, compatibility or peace of mind. Two months into Josfyn's first pregnancy, her husband slapped her for staining his clothes while washing it. He didn't touch her again (Mostly because he travelled abroad very often) until Josfyn mentioned her desire to further her education. He beat the living day light out of her because he was convinced that Josfyn was looking for the opportunity to start dating other men. Josfyn was a full time house wife who did nothing but watch DSTV, cook, clean and take care of her child and step children. Josfyn at this time was just 21 years.
Her husband would beat Josfyn at the slightest provocation, he locked her up in her room if she dared talk back at him. If another man looed at her, she gets beaten up. He called her all sorts of names, hardly ever gave her any money (he said she would use it to buy things for her boyfriends), he was emotionally and physically abusive to Josfyn.
He didn't let her own a phone until 2004 after she gave birth to her second child and let me also say here that Josfyn said sex with him was sometime painful and most times unpleasant. The little friends that Josfyn had were not welcomed in their home, and her phone was always with the guy.
In 2005, her husband got another woman pregnant, the man never married this other woman, but he let her move into one of their flats and proudly told everyone who cared to listen that he was expecting his 7th child. And every time Josfyn ran to her mother, she told her the same story. Marriage is for better for worse. Her mother told her that every marriage had its challenges and she should be happy she's married since a lot of young girls were looking for husbands. Josfyn was so miserable but her mother asked her to remain in the marriage
But everything changed when Josfyn met Ben two months after getting into the University. Ben is 36, unmarried and works at a new generation bank. Ben fell deeply inlove with Josfyn and chased her for three months not knowing she was married.
He found out about her marital status when she fell from a bike on her way home. (Her husband had several choice cars, Josfyn had none to call hers. He only let her use one of his cars with a driver of course, when the errand concerns him or the children). Ben offered to drop Josfyn home, but she declined, explaining she was married. (Imagine her husband seeing her in another man's car).
A disappointed Ben vowed never to bother her again but for some reason they kept bumping each other until they both fell in love. Josfyn told her life story to Ben amidst tears and he promised to help her out of her miserable marriage and take care of her. Seven months after first setting eyes on each other, a married Josfyn and Ben became lovers. She told me she didn't know that sex was an enjoyable experience until Ben.
I didn't come into the picture until 2006 when Ben brought a very beautiful girl to my office to help her get modelling jobs since it has always been her dream to be a model. Ben introduced her to me as his fiancee, I never knew she was married with two kids until two months ago after she called me and asked if she could come spend some time with me in the office. She came everyday and stayed with me from morning till close of work like she was afraid of going home. It was after much pestering that she told me her story. She couldn't stop crying. Her husband had some how found out she was modeling and beat her after which he locked her up for days. When he saw a text Ben sent to her, he called the police on him but the police said they had no business in domestic affairs.
The thing here is that Josfyn had been planning to leave her husband and marry Ben. Ben had already rented a three bedroom apartment, bought her a ring, introduced her to his parents and was ready to take care of her and her children. Josfyn agreed to this life until two weeks ago when she called off all arrangements with Ben to remain in her husband's house. Ben later told me that Josfyn's parents had threatened to cut her off if she left her matrimonial home. Her phone is now permanently switched off. No one can reach her. (Unilag is unbreak) I know wherever she is she's extremely unhappy.
What can I do as a friend? What should ben do? I've never seen a man cry the way he's cried. What should Josfyn do? Obey her parents and stay in her miserable existence, (this girl doesn't have a life) or should she walk out and go be with someone who loves and makes her happy?
Please share your thoughts
