A few years ago some of my dad’s town’s men came to visit. They laughed, talked and argued. They argued about the Biafran war. A particular uncle argued the loudest and told the most stories. I noticed my father hardly said a word.
After they left, my mum turned to my dad and said; you fought in the Biafran war, when (that particular uncle) was saying all that nonsense about the war why didn’t you say something?
My dad replied; I fought in the war with his older brother. He was seventeen when the war ended. If I’d said anything, he would have looked stupid in front of everyone…there was no point!
I learnt a valuable lesson that day. NEVER CREATE ENEMIES; it serves no purpose.
This piece is for all the young people out there looking for guidance. I’m young myself but I can say I’ve experienced enough to be able to give advise to people younger than I am.
Listen, I used to be a bitch, maybe not the worst kind, but the most annoying kind. I was so nasty I wouldn’t even acknowledge a greeting. I didn’t know people’s faces or names…I wasn’t interested. Looking down on people was something I knew how to do well.
But then I grew up. I saw and experienced a lot of things that shaped my thinking and made me a better person. I’m still learning, but now I can say I’m wiser than I was many years ago.
Sometimes in life you will find yourself in a quarrel, either caused by you or other people. Who started it is not the issue; it all boils down to how you handle it. One of the things I’ve learnt, not that long ago, is; when you’re arguing or having a misunderstanding with someone; you’re either RIGHT OR KIND!
Let me explain it better…
Right: Being RIGHT means that you will keep arguing to prove yourself right and the other person wrong. You will complain or report to everyone who cares to listen, you will make your arguments till people start to side with you. You will find ways to make the other person look foolish or bad. You will never admit you’re wrong even if you eventually realize that you are. Apologizing is not an issue here; instead you will find ways to discredit the other person.
Kind: Being kind means that when there’s a misunderstanding, instead of the power struggle, you look at the person and say; you’re right, I’m wrong. I apologize. Whether you are right or wrong is not an issue in this situation. You don’t try to make the other person look foolish and yourself wise. You take the blame and let the other person win…that’s kindness.
Being RIGHT makes you right; being KIND makes you the bigger person. It will get you people’s admiration and respect, but above that, it will strengthen your self-respect.
Imagine you’re with someone and you see a blue ball, then you say to the person, that blue ball is nice. The person looks at the ball and says; that’s a red ball.
You say; no it’s a blue ball. They say; are you blind? That’s a red ball.
You look at the ball, you have absolutely no doubt it’s a blue ball but instead of arguing you say, you’re right, that’s a red ball, my bad! The person will look at the ball again, knowing it’s really a blue ball and wondering why you agreed with them. They will probably end up feeling foolish.
Your colleague is trying to make you look bad in front of boss and instead of arguing or shouting to prove yourself right, you tell your boss; I don’t want to argue with her, she’s right, I’m wrong. If you’re right, your boss knows it. If you’re wrong, your boss will admire you for admitting it. Either way, you win.
Don’t dwell in negative things. Find a way to quickly wash your hands off it and move on to better things. I’m not saying don’t talk back or respond to negative talk, just don’t dwell on it. Just say your piece and move on and if they try to draw you back, dust the dirt off your shoulders, smile, and tell them you’re not interested.
In life, you have to know when to walk away, when to run and when to stay and fight. Of course there are times to fight, but never over trivia issues. It’s not worth it. Instead, channel your energy towards positive things
Like I always tell my friends, I don’t try to be the best in everything. I only try to do my best in everything. So in every situation I find myself, I do my best and hope it’s enough
When it comes to being Right or Kind, I chose to be Kind…what about you?
You don’t have to follow my advice but please think about what I said. Hopefully it makes sense to you.
May God guide you in all your actions.
Stay blessed
L
