I read this piece and totally loved it. Quite real and hilarious.
It's the Top Ten Nigerian Religious Soundbites: The Countdown
Written by Ayo Shonaiya and DJ Abass
Check it out...
10. "We must pray and fast"In Yoruba, "e kun fun aduaa".
Commonly used in times of tribulation such as Police/EFCC cases, looking for a husband or applying for a UK or US visa.
9. "This is my year of breakthrough"A new year's eve special.
The ready-made lazy man's annual prayer whether or not he has put in an honest day's work the year before, and a popular headline at most money spinning end-of-year religious crusades.
8. "I thank God for your life"
Usually an acknowledgement or appreciation of a benefactor but you scratch your head to find a real meaning to this one. People just drop it anyhow, eg. "I saw Pastor Kososhi drive past me in his Hummer yesterday on Allen Avenue", Reply: "Oh, I thank God for his life".
7. "...but he's a Man of God"As in the old 'over-the-hill'
Brother Jero Pastor who doesn't know how to toast women but secretly lusts after your wife/girlfriend in church. These are the "close your eyes, let us pray" guys who's always around to help or advice, waiting and hoping to take advantage of any misfortune to console his way into your woman's life.
6. "J.E.S.U.S."
Now very popular at Christian weddings across Nigeria as the newly-wed couple cut their cake. This has taken over from the evergreen "3,2,1...". Speaking of weddings, some wack MCs now blackmail the wedding guests by saying "If you want to live to see the new year, let me see your hands up", thus punishing them for not laughing at his dry jokes. Fear has become our God.
5. "I bind you..." (AKA "Holy Ghost Fire! Fire!! Fire!!!")
As in, put a curse on you, or threaten you with the wrath of God if you're deemed to be disturbing them for whatever reason. For example, against jobless guys who are proposing marriage, or the Landlord who has come to collect the rent after 8 months!
4. "The Devil is a liar!"
Often used right after surviving a ghastly auto accident, general misfortune, tripping over your children's toys or mistakenly dripping peppersoup on your favourite pink T.M. Lewin shirt!
3. "In the name of Jesus..."
Also abbreviated on Facebook as "IJN" or for maximum effect "in the MIGHTY name of Jesus!". Favourite end-of-sentence soundbite for most Prosperity Pastors on television.
2. "To God be the glory"
The last line of 99.9% of Nollywood films, and fast rising closing remarks at government / corporate seminars (usually just before they share the 'gbemu' in Ghana-must-go bags)
1. "It is well"
Self explanatory enough. Classic soundbite even if it is VERY OBVIOUS that it is not well.
And don't forget "It is not my portion" and "No weapon fashioned against me shall proser".
LOL
Any religious soundbite you know? Do share with us...
Meanwhile check out pictures of the Okoye brothers, popularly known as P-Square, chilling with family and friends at Caliente, Lagos.
Peter with Segun Akinborewa
Jude 'Engees' Okoye
Story of the day
A man, fired from his job, shot and killed his wife, 8-year-old daughter and two sets of twins, 2-year-old boys and 5-year-old girls, before shooting himself. Read the very sad story here…http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/28952291/
Gaddafi calls for a United States of Africa
Libyan leader and new AU chairman, Colonel Muammar Gaddafi has called for the creation of a United States of Africa and raised the prospect of a single currency for the continent.
United States of Africa? He needs to get off his crack pipe…lol
You can read the full story...http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/425929.stm
Photo of the day
World's smallest body builder...
Catch y'all later
MUAH!!!
