Murphy's Military Police Laws!

Murphy's military police laws

• Your badge won't stop bullets.
• If it's stupid but works, it isn't stupid.
• Don't look conspicuous - it antagonizes officers.
• Never share a patrol car with anyone braver than you (especially BUDS drops who are waiting to return to BUDS but who are just passing time with the MP's)
• Not wearing body armor attracts bullets and knives (And dishes, and psycho wives, and claw marks)
• If your response goes well, you're at the wrong location
• The watch commander or CDO or OOD will show up when you're doing something really stupid (or you'll do something really stupid BECAUSE they show up).
• The time it takes to respond to an emergency is inversely proportional to the importance of the call.
• The warrant you don't read is the one you'll serve at the wrong quarters.
• No matter how you write it, the watch commander will want it changed.
• If you charge in all alone, you'll be shot by your own officers.
• The diversion you're ignoring is the actual crime.
• The important things are always simple.
• The simple things are always hard.
• The easy ways are always blocked.
• The short cuts are always under construction.
• Anything you do can get you in trouble - including doing nothing.
• When you've secured a crime scene, don't forget to tell the chain of command.
• Using the siren and light to clear traffic - attracts traffic.
• It only becomes a riot right after you show up.
• If you take out the newest patrol car, you'll have an accident. (Boy can I vouch for this one...more than one time)
• The thing you really need, will be left back at the MP Station.
• Radios will fail as soon as you need back-up desperately (NO S****)
• Flashlight batteries always die out, just when you really need light (NO F***ING KIDDING!)
• Military working dogs attack anything that moves - including you (YES THEY DO!)
• You'll find the suspect you want, when you're off-duty and unarmed (NO F***ING KIDDING!)
• If you respond to more than your fair share of calls, you'll have more than your fair share of calls to respond to (NO F***ING KIDDING!)
• The suspect will escape, just before you set up a good perimeter.
• The dependent who screams loudly when you don't show up quickly, also screams loudly when you do.
• The weight of the dead body you'll have to carry is proportional to the amount of stairs you'll have to climb.
• Fatalities always occur at the end of shift - or when it rains and snows.
• Your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.
• Contrary to popular belief - flag officers don't get tickets.
• You won't get called to a court martial - unless it's your day off.
• Empty guns - aren't.
• Your two minute "back-up" is always actually ten minutes away.
• The alley you sprint down, is the wrong alley.
• Tasting suspected drugs works - but only on TV or in the movies.
• Suspects always hide in the last place you look.
• Better to be judged by twelve, than carried by six (Not so sure about this one......I might disagree depending on the situation)
• Professional criminals are predictable, but the world is full of amateurs.
• Don't stand, if you can sit - don't sit, if you can lay down - if you can lay down, you might as well take a nap.(just don't get caught....the barges at night are a good place for this on "foot patrol")
• Contrary to popular belief the CO *IS* an area effect weapon