HEAR NOW: The News! (And a bit of news of stupid things)

Man thought to have been wired for a bomb by police was wired for "personal pleasure."
I saw some weird stuff in my time in law enforcement but a personal massager wedged up someone's back side with an on-off switch in their pocket was never one of them.  I'd seen revolvers up people's rears in an attempt to smugggle them.  People swallowing drugs.  But this?  That's just....that's where you let the bomb squad do it's work even if you KNEW it was a personal massager and not a bomb.  The man was claiming he knew all about bombs when the police found the wire and switches and had to evacuate the area.  I guess when that thing went off, you still wouldn't want to be there. 

You know, this just makes me think how easy it is to become famous.  For a few minutes anyways.  And memorable at any rate.  You can do anything twisted and end up on the news that evening and you don't even have to graduate from high school!

You have till 2015 to build your bomb shelter from Iran.  Iran could, with foreign assistance bulid a missile capable of hitting the U.S. by that time.  OR, if that fails, maybe they can photoshop a picture of the missile being launched and another of it striking the U.S. However, Obama won't be president by then so you'll probably only have to dig so deep like what is shown here.

While I'm dogging on Iran, according to an Iranian Cleric, Iranian Women dressed scantily cause earthquakes.  Okay, and these are the guys who are going to launch the missile that can hit the U.S. Unless they load it with these things on the right I think we're pretty safe.  Don't want those landing all over here. Maybe by 2015 they will learn about the science of plate-techtonics.  If they were REALLY anti American they would declare American women to be causing the earthquakes. 

STATE DEPARTMENT (Led by Hillary) DECLARES THE WORLD FLAT!!!!
Sorry.  I mean, declares unequivocally that Global Warming is Man Made.  I suppose that volcano going off right now that's covering Europe in ash will not be counted to contribute in any way shape or form to CO2 or pollution in the atmosphere.  I wonder if they could use Hillary's help over there in Iran with their scantily clad women causing earthquakes or desiging missiles that can hit the U.S. But of course, you have to remember in all this, it's the scantily clad women who cause the earthquakes that cause the volcano that cause global warming - so - yes - if Hillary is in Bed with the Iranians (Free unintended allusion to a pun!)- you're DARNED RIGHT ITS MANMADE!

Meanwhile: CLEANER AIR SPEEDS GLOBAL WARMING!!!!  You can't win y'all.  They will tax you for breathing, for not breathing, for driving, for not driving....wait....they've got obamacare so I guess they tax you for living......on that thought:

I say that obamacare is going to be repealed. 

Survive in some mutant version but will be repealed.  That's my thoughts. 

For now - that's the news!

Brought to you from the Peoples' Republic of Portland!