So I'm in the bath when my wife comes in and asks if I paid the lego bill. I told her yes I did and I did it with a check. She asked where the check was - I couldn't remember but the lego guy was here to collect. She writes another check while I wander around a bit in the buff looking for the check realizing the lego guy can see my rear through the open front door. The lego guy then asks if we'd like to go eat at McDonalds sometime. I told him no, I'm not really all that interested. He has changed however from a pair of black jeans and a T-shirt to a McDonald's uniform by now and I tell him I promise that someday I'll eat at McDonalds and maybe we can say hi then. I then recounted my experience of working at McDonalds to him to assure him just how much I know about McDonalds and how much I really love it so he knows I REALLY am going to come in and have dinner sometimb but to leave my family alone with his stalkerish request.
One of my gradeschool friends, Eric Hanson, tells me as he sits at the ice-cream bar in my front room alongside some other people - because we all know my front room has an old fashioned soda fountain and ice-cream bar in it - that I shouldn't embellish my story too much and it was pretty obvious I hadn't worked for McDonalds. At this point I was magically dressed while we discussed this. But I had to explain what a white lie was to Eric and how I wasn't going to really set myself up for an outing with the Lego-Bill-Collector with my family.
Suddenly I see the Lego Bill Collector back in his black pants and white T-shirt trying to talk to someone else about eating at McDonald's with him. I lost it and turned into my mouthy drill-seargent self. "Hey! Gavin! You come over, invite me and my family over to McDonalds while we pay you for our Lego's and you disrespect us by changing BACK into your clothing from earlier when you just a moment ago WERE a McDonald's employee? What the (beep) Gavin? What the (Beep) are you trying to pull? This is the kind of crap that makes me nervous and why I don't go out on a date with stalkerish creepy little guys like yourself - now you done pissed me off - you're done Gavin - we're NEVER going to have dinner at McDonalds - you can forget it! Get the (beep) out of here!"
I chased gavin off and went to my bedroom to change. One of the girls from work had a guy over for dinner she was sleeping with in an attempt to make me jealous back in the banquet room that is my front room where I wash my truck (I have a Dodge Ram - 2011 model in this dream). I really am not jealous because I don't care. She begins communicating with me telepathically all the things they've done in bed together and I'm like "Good for you um if you don't know I don't care - I really don't" I communicate telepathically back. "Your life is your own and I'm your boss and I don't know why I would care who you sleep with but I got to get dressed" (I'm magically wearuing a towell now.)
Suddenly I feel my "willy" being clawed at and it's a small gremling from the 1980's movie. Yes, one of the BAD gremlins. It laughs sinisterly as it is half asleep on the bed as I'm changing. I look over on the bed and Bill Clinton is alseep passed out with some naked old guy from a party. Hillary is coming back from a campaign in the bedroom as well but ignores me and the leftover remnants from some strange orgiastic scene in front of me.
This is it - I know how to get rid of these guys -I WATCHED THE MOVIE! I grab the gremlin by one hand - it half asleep tries to claw at my willy with the other claw laughing evilly and half asleep while it does. I grab it's other arm leaving the rest of its body with no legs (it's just a round torso head with arms with the consistency of a sugar coated gummi worm) and try going over what to do. Aha! I'll feed him after midnight here in the bed next to naked Bill Clinton - I laugh to myself. Wait....no...that makes them multiply. Is it water? Do I cover it with water? No wait - THAT makes them multiply - the after midnight thing makes them evil....wait.....hmmm.
I am now clothed with a gremlin in my hands as I walk outside in the autumn dusk. The gremlin starts to smoke a bit when the sun hits him but rmains semi passed out - almost as if it was drunk still laughing evilly and softly. AHA! That's it - put it in sunlight! Any light! Little F***er.....here take this - I think to myself. "I'm gonna tape your little arms to an f***ing street lamp and leave you for the lights to come on and watch you smoke you little bastard - we're gonna just watch you die right here in the street you little evil piece of crap!" I get a strange sense of satisfaction out of dealing gwith things with a note of finality - doubtless left over from the military - shaddenfreud fills me as I realize the fate that awaits him and now I giggle quietly and evilly.
The old chinese man smoking a pipe next to me nodded approvingly. Why was Bill Clinton in my bed? Whatever - I didn't do anything with him did I? Please tell me I didn't have an orgy with that petri dish of VD. Whatever - I'm off to kill a gremlin. The gremlin tries to claw at my willy through my jeans but is still half asleep as it smokes in the fading sunlight which is now about to become sunrise simply because it's my dream and that's what my dreams do.
Here we go!
I put its arms up to a streetlamp and start to wrap duct tape around them realizing I'm going to save humanity with this. A grim sense of satisfaction fills me.
Suddenly the alarm goes off......what about the Gremlin? Ugh - I've GOT to finish this - I can't take a gremlin to work....ugh.....and I need to apologize to Mrs. Clinton.
